*Disclaimer: I am going to share some things about my personal opinions and experiences with bullying. I am not looking for your criticism or mean responses to what I say. If that is what you have to bring to the table, I politely ask you to excuse yourself from reading any further.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about bullying. A little over a week ago, a middle school boy a ways from where I live committed suicide. There are fuzzy details about the why, but the majority of reports are that this boy was gay and bullied for it. A very, very sad thing to happen, especially in the middle of the family and joy-heavy holiday season.
There is one thing that I would like to briefly touch on that is a little sensitive, and I hope I am able to adequately express myself without leaving anyone confused or angry.
Bullying is ugly. It is probably one of the most ugly and senseless things that has happened for all time. It sickens me that it is so prevalent in this time and that my little ones will grow up in the middle of this dark and evil trend. I am always upset when I hear about anyone, especially children, being pushed around, taunted, beaten-up, ridiculed, etc. I don't think that anyone deserves to be bullied regardless of sexual orientation, social status, skin color, disability, religion, beliefs, physical appearance, or quirks. The thing that makes me very sad and even frustrated at times, is that stories in the news about bullying are almost always centered around the fact that the victim was homosexual or a certain religion or a different ethnicity. Now, please hear me out before any of you go off on a rant and start to send me nasty messages. This bothers me because of what I said before: "I don't think that anyone deserves to be bullied regardless of sexual orientation, social status, skin color, disability, religion, beliefs, physical appearance, or quirks," IT IS NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE GAY OR JEWISH OR BLACK, ETC. I think that ALL victims of bullying need the same support and love as anyone else. They are all vulnerable. They are all scared. They are often alone. They are lost. They are frayed and on their last thread. They are already self-loathing. They all want just one person to see worth in them or to tell them one single redeeming thing about themselves. Making them feel that it only is a big deal or worth mentioning if they are bullied for being gay or of a certain religion or skin color is not okay. It is always a big deal, no matter what the cause for bullying is. I know that making something into scandal or a prejudice is some networks bread and butter, but ALL of it needs to stop. They are all God's Masterpieces and should be loved and treated accordingly.
As a person who was terribly picked-on and bullied, I understand very well what is going through the mind of a bullied child. This is why I am so bothered by the medias treatment of these cases and stories. Shouldn't they all get the same air time and page space? It is the worst thing to feel like no one cares or you have no place to turn or that your pain doesn't matter enough, especially when you are a helpless child. I was an excellent athlete, very smart, a kick-ass speller, musically able, and a fair artist, but none of those things mattered because on the outside I was different and awkward. I had every TV show and movie cliche for a picked-on kid: red hair, glasses, acne, Tomboy, was often the tallest girl and wore hand-me-down clothes from my brother (so I probably looked like a boy with a ponytail). I was taunted. I was pushed and shoved. I was told I had no friends. I was singled-out. I had my belongings taken, scattered, and stolen. I was called terrible names. I was even beaten-up a few times. Neighborhood girls told me I wasn't pretty enough and would humiliate me by always making me pretend to be the man in our make-believe. Classmate boys told me I was ugly, fat, or that I should go die.
I specifically remember picture day in the 6th grade where that exact thing happened: It was a few days after my 12th birthday and I was so excited to be wearing my brand new blue dress for pictures. Being excited to have my picture taken was a huge deal. I always had a hard time with pictures of any kind being taken of me because they would always make me cry (or at least make my eyes sting from holding back tears). I had been taunted and teased about my appearance so much growing up that I cried thinking that there would be another homely form of me preserved forever in an image. This day, however, I was not afraid of that. I had a new haircut that my mom had styled and curled for me that morning. I had also just had my ears pierced for my birthday and was wearing my birthstone studs that matched my dress perfectly. For the first time I was feeling pretty and like a little lady. I remember Mrs. Fairbanks calling my name to go to the photographer in the auditorium next. As I walked down the hallway, one of the boys from my class, Nick, was returning from having his pictures done. I hesitantly chanced a polite smile at him as he passed (he was historically nasty to me). He stopped and pushed me to the wall and said "Oh my gosh! Is that what you look like for pictures?? You're so ugly. Don't break the camera!" He laughed and continued his way to our classroom. I continued down the hall, trying to keep the tears in so I could do a nice school picture without red, puffy eyes for my mom. As soon as it was done, I went into the nearest girls bathroom and cried.
I think that the worst part of being bullied was that I never understood why it happened and didn't know what to do about it. I was too embarrassed to talk about it with friends because I was afraid of increasing the ridicule. I couldn't go to the teachers because nothing was really done the other times I tried. I didn't want to further burden my parents because they had their arms full with the six other kids in my family. I couldn't even go to my siblings because we were often at war with each other and sometimes they were the worst offenders, myself included.
I hate what has become of me from those years of fear: I have terrible social anxiety. I am awkward and struggle with friends. I can't see beauty in myself. I can't defend myself. I don't handle conflict very well. But the most significant problem is that I believe and am terrified that my children will also become victims and have nowhere to go for help or support. I am always trying to overcome these obstacles so that I can be a source of love and comfort for my kids, but only time will tell if I am successful.
Since it is the holiday season, here is my plea to anyone who reads this: Anyone and everyone could be a victim. Maybe it's not bullying. Maybe it's abuse. Maybe it's addiction. Maybe it's mental illness. Be loving. Be there. Be a comfort. Do not judge. Do not condemn. Do not skirt these sad ones in the store, or at the bank, or at events because you think it will be a little uncomfortable. Did Christ dodge people if it was uncomfortable? They are your family. They are your friends. They notice. They fell looked down upon. They feel the sting of rejection and being unwanted. It confirms what they have been told and made to believe; that they are broken, worthless, ugly, weird, stupid. Please, please, please, make the extra effort this season (and always, really) to reach out to those who may be hurting. To everyone. You never know who is deeply hurt or damaged. The simplest gesture of caring, kindness, love, and comfort may mean the life of someone. A hug, a call, a card, an email, cookies... You never know. Hey, if you believe in karma, how could it possibly do anything but good for you? ;) Please love and be kind and remember the tried and true thought: WWJD?
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